Lost for words

I'm just lost for words for everything that happened. Maybe it's just me, but i'm beginning to hate everything that i have. That i used to have. That i will have.

Why the future too? Maybe I'm just not as optimistic now as i used to be. Maybe you changed me too much. I'm not optimistic at all now. I don't want to be like this, but it's just not beyond my control. I tried. I tried very hard. It's just not going to happen.

Maybe I'll be stuck like this for 2 years. I want to leave you all. I want to keep myself from everyone. I want to find this happy place where i can be. I know this Utopia can never be found. But there should be this better place for me. Than here.

In your heart, maybe i'm nothing. I wished i was something. Or still am something. But i dared not clarify. I dared not cross that line. I dared not try. I dared not confront. I'm so scared to be hurt now. "Loved like you've never been hurt", i think i can never be match for this phrase.

I'm sick and tired. Sick and tired of being myself. I want to change. To change for better or worse, it doesn't matter. I just want to change. People call me emo. But i think i'm special. Coz i am who i am.

I know there is no coherence in what i am typing. And i don't really care. I just want to type whatever is in my head and my heart now. I may not have another of these chances.

I don't know what's that special thing in my life now. I don't know what i want. Maybe i do, but i dared not get that thing that i want. I don't want any one of you to pity me or sympathise with me. It's not worth it and i don't need it. Maybe just leaving me to rot will be so much better. How many of you out there reads my blog and actually care? I know i don't.

People come and go. But only true friends leave a special something in your heart. You guys did come and go and left something here. But i dared not want it now. It hurts too much to take it.

~LoN3Ly M3~