So many things happened

I am actually quite vexed over the many things that happened. I want to control my feelings and emotions but i guess i am born like that. I JUST CANT!!!

1. Badminton
It's like i just don't feel like i belong to the team now. Everyone is like so experienced and good but i just make the grade. And sometimes when i can't perform as well, it's not like i don't want to but i can't. Just like the fix drill the other day. Me and alex were not really able to get it right. It's not like we do not want to do it well k? Stupid. I mean like, Catholic High has got no badminton team. If i was trained and performed like that, i will be so ashamed. And i tried giving my best. Even the last training, my leg was super painful until now still pain. I cannot run now. I cannot jump. I cannot exercise now. But why did i still try so hard for training the other day? I dont know. Badminton is like my life. I enjoy playing it. I really love it. It's not like i dont want to train. It's just i am still not there. Time is needed. I am not like you. You learned before and was in the team. I AM NOT!!! Dont always expect others to be like you. Yes, i agree that i am lousy. But do you think you are so great? I tried my best.

I really feel like quitting after the last training. I am not really happy in the team now. I dont want to think about it also. I just want to learn to play badminton and play like someone who can play. I want to continue, but can I?

2. Relationship
I have been really vexed about this. I dont know if you are reading this now or not but i still decided to post this. I am so vexed. I want to like run away from everything now and just start anew. Maybe from scratch. Maybe if God give me this chance to feel numb about everything, I would gladly accept it. I am in pain now. Why is it always like this. I dont know why and how. I just want to be with myself now. I just cannot stop thinking about this. Maybe i should just quit being myself. I hate myself now. I really hate myself now. It's not your problem. It's just me. I just dont understand myself at times too. Dont ask me why and how? I dont want to think about it now!!!But i still want you to be there for me.

3. Study
I so feel like dropping out of school. I know that most of the people out there have got this problem too. It's not just me. But i feel so lousy now. I just dont feel good about studying. Maybe i was wrong. Maybe someone can guide me along?

The 3 main things that really bothers me. I want to run away from everything. Maybe it's time for me to stay away from all electronic stuffs and get detached from the world until the term starts again. It's time to chill and think carefully...

~VEXeD M3~