I JUST A BIG FAT LIAR

I KNOW THAT IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I LAST POSTED. IT IS ALL ABOUT THE TEST AND SUCH STUFFS LA. I GOING TO POST IN ALL CAPS COZ THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST POST OR MAYBE NOT. I HOPE THAT I CAN POST IN TWO BLOGS. I HAVEN DONE THE TEMPLATE FOR THE NEW BLOG BUT I WILL PUT THE LINK SOMEWHERE IN MY BLOG. YOU HAVE TO GO FIND IT YOURSELF. I WOULD NOT TELL U WHERE UNLESS I REALLY REGARD AS SOMEONE IMPORTANT. I DUN WAN ANYONE OF YOU TO COME BEGGING ME.

I THINK OUT DELETING THIS BLOG RIGHT AFTER WE BREAK UP. ALTHOUGH IT WAS ONLY 23 DAYS BUT IT WAS REALLI ENJOYABLE AND I DO LIKE THE DAYS WE SPEND TOGETHER. I DID NOT WANT SUCH THING TO HAPPEN SO FAST... AT LEAST NOT SO FAST. IT JUST SHOT ME WHEN I M AT THE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE (AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I THINK). ONLY THOSE WHO THINK THEY HAVE FAILED BEFORE WILL UNDERSTAND ME. IT IS JUST LIKE I SUDDENLY LOST ALL THE IMPORTANT GOALS IN MY MIND. ALL I WANTED IS TO MAKE HER OR RATHER US HAPPY TOGETHER, BUT IS TURNED OUT TO BE SOMETHING ELSE. I DUN REALLI WANNA SAY ABOUT THIS IN MY BLOG. I REALLI WANT SOMEONE TO BE SITTING DOWN SOMEWHERE TOGETHER WITH ME AND TALK PROPERLY. I GUESS THAT I JUST DUN HAVE ANYONE TO TURN TO. I WANTED TO LOOK FOR HER BUT IT SEEMED LIKE IT IS JUST A BURDEN TO HER BA.

I KNOW THAT I SAID I COULD FORGET HER OR I COULD BE STRONG AND STUFFS LIKE THAT. BUT IN ACTUAL FACT, I THINK I AM A BIG FAT LIAR. I MADE MYSELF LOOK STRONG ON THE OUTSIDE BUT WHAT OTHERS CANT SEE IS THE INSIDE. JUST LIKE MY FYE CHINESE PAPER SAID" SOMEIMES, WE SEE SOMEONE ALONE AND WE MIGHT THINK THAT HE/SHE IS LONELY BUT WE WILL NEVER KNOW COZ IN HIS MIND, HE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING INTERESTING GOING ON IN HIS HEAD AND HE TREASURE THE MOMENTS THAT HE HAD INSIDE HIS HEAD. HE MIGHT NOT BE LONELY AT ALL. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, SOMEONE MIGHT BE WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT INSIDE HIS HEART, HE IS SO LONELY BECAUSE WE, HUMANS, ARE NOT BORN TO LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE'S HEART. IF WE ALL DO, THERE WILL BE NO SECRET". THE COMPRE IS JUST SO LIKE ME. I TRIED TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK STRONG AND TENDS TO HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS SURROUNDING ME AND STUFFS LIKE THAT BUT IT JUST SEEMED THAT I FEEL SO LONELY. I FELT TOTALLY DIFFERENT WHEN I AM WITH HER OR EVEN WHEN I AM NOT, SHE JUST SEEMED TO BE INSIDE MY HEAD AND TALKING TO ME. I JUST TRIED TO MAKE MYSELF STRONG BUT IN ACTUAL FACT, I M SO SOFT. NOT THAT PEOPLE CAN BULLY ME THAT SOFT BUT JUST THAT I M SOFT HEARTED. I NOE THAT I COULDNT FORGET ABT HER. MAYBE IT IS JUST LIKE WHAT SHE SAID, I LOVED HER TOO MUCH AND SHE FEELS THAT LOVE IS FROM BOTH PARTIES AND SHE DUN FEEL THE CHEMISTRY.

I JUST COULDNT FORGET ABT HER. EVER SINCE BREAKING UP, I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABT WHAT HAS WENT WRONG. MY CONCLUSION IS THAT I JUST SPEED UP EVERYTHING. I M JUST A JACKASS OK. I DUN NOE HOW TO TREAT GIRLS IN THE CORRECT WAY. I M JUST SOME FUCKED UP GUY THAT YOU SEE ON THE ROAD EVERYDAY. I JUS DUN NOE HOW TO EXPRESS MY FEELING NOW. I AM REALLI ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING DOWN. I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I DUN NOE HOW TO FACE HER. I STILL REGARDED HER AS MY DEAR BUT IT JUS DAWNED ON ME THAT SHE SEEM TO BE SEEING ME AS A STRANGER OR SOMETHING. I CANT TAKE THAT FEELING. EVEN LIKE FIONA AND YOKEKEE. I DUN REALLI GET THEIR SMS OR EVEN TAGS ANYMORE. I JUST HAVE GOT THIS FEELING THAT LIVING ON EARTH JUST DUN MAKE A DIFF FOR ME. I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF SUICIDE SINCE P4 BUT I DIDNT WANT TO REALLI DO IT. I JUS THINK ABT IT. LIKE JUMPING OFF A BUILDING OR SOMETHING. I JUST WANNA TAKE MY LIFE NOW. IT IS LIKE...I REALLI DUN NOE HOW TO EXPRESS BUT I CANT TAKE THAT FEELING ANYMORE.

I AM SO TEMPTED TO BE IN LOVE AGAIN. BUT EVERYTIME, IT JUST DAWNED ON ME THAT I M TEMPTING TO BE IN LOVE AGAIN COZ I JUST WANTED A SUBSTITUTE. I DUN FIT TO LOVE SOMEONE LIKE THIS. I DUN WAN A SUBSTITUTE. I WANT SOMEONE WHO REALLI CARE ABOUT ME AND SOMEONE I CAN SHOW CARE AND LOVE TOWARDS

SOMETIMES I JUST WONDER IF THERE IS ANYONE THAT STILL CARES ABOUT ME OTHER THAN MY FAMILY. LIVING IN THIS STATE NOW JUST MAKE ME FEEL WORSE. I DUN EVEN THINK I CAN 'PULL THOROUGH' THIS PERIOD.

IT IS GIRLS THAT ARE HARD TO UNDERSTAND OR IS IT ME THAT DUN FIT TO BE A GUY...

I HAVE READ THIS BOOK AND IT IS ABT THIS GIRL THAT SOLD HER LIFE TO A 25 HOUR SHOP. SHE WAS JUST ANY NORMAL GIRL THAT JUST BREAK UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND AND SHE IS VERY SAD. SHE DECIEDED TO TAKE HER LIFE WHEN THE LAST TRAIN MOVED INTO THE STATION. SHE WAS GOING TO JUMP BUT SOMEONE PULLED HER BACK. IT WAS A GHOST BUT SHE DIDNT NOE AT THAT TIME. SHE WAS GIVEN THIS NAMECARD OF THAT 25H SHOP AND DECIDED TO GO THERE. IT WAS KINDA SCARY BUT SHE DECIDED TO TAKE THE TRAIN THERE. THE SHOP IS KINDA IN THE THIRD WORLD BUT SHE WAS HAPPY THAT SHE WAS THERE. SHE GOT TO THE SHOP AND THE SHOPKEEPER TOLD HER ABT SELLING HER TIME TO THEM AND SHE CAN GO BACK TO THE PAST AND SHE CAN STAY THERE FOR 25 HOURS. SHE DECIDED TO SELL HER LIFE FOR THAT 25 HOURS. SHE WENT BACK TO THE PAST AND GOT BACK THE HAPPY MOMENTS THAT SHE CHERISHED. IF THIS CAN HAPPEN TO ME. I WILL SELL MY LIFE FOR JUST THAT 25 HOUR. JUST ANYDAY THAT I GO OUT WITH HER COZ I CHERISHED IT THE MOST.

THE MEMORIES INUNDATED MY MIND EVER SINCE I WENT BACK TO READ SOME OF THE MSN CHATS THAT WE HAD..... I FOUND OUT THAT AS I WAS READING, I WILL SMILE. BUT AS I AM TYPING NOW, MY KEYBOARD JUST GOT WET. MY VISION BLURRED BUT I AM VERY DETERMINED TO FINISH THIS POST. I WANT A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.

SOME SAY THAT IT IS LOST FOR HER COZ I VERY GOOD
SOME SAY THAT IT IS NORMAL FOR RELATIONSHIPS
SOME SAY THAT I SHLDNT BE WASTING MY TIME WAITING
SOME SAY THAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE
SOME SAY THAT I SHLD JUST TAKE IT AS A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE
SOME SAY THAT I SHLD JUST TAKE THE MEMORY WITH ME
SOME SAY THAT I COULD FIND A BETTER ONE
SOME SAY THAT SHE JUST SUCKS
SOME SAY THAT I SUCKS COZ I LOST A GIRL

ALL OF THEM MIGHT JUST BE RIGHT BUT I JUST CANT KEEP THE FACT THAT I LIED. I CANT FORGET HER AT ALL. IT JUST SEEMED THAT THERE IS SOME KIND OF POISON THAT HAS GONE INTO MY BODY AND NOTHING COULD BE DONE TO STOP THE POISON FROM GOING TO MY HEART. I NOE THAT I MIGHT JUST BE A BURDEN TO HER. I DUN NOE IF SHE WAS HURT WHEN SHE WANTED TO BREAK UP WITH ME. BUT ALL I WANTED IS A CHANCE. LET ME HAVE THE CHANCE AND I MIGHT MAKE THIS A BETTER ONE. MAYBE I AM JUST DESPO BUT I CAN SAY THAT ALL I WANT IS YOU.

I WANTED TO DELETE THIS BLOG. BUT THIS BLOG HOLDS MANY MANY MANY OF MY HAPPY AND SAD MEMORIES. MEMORIES ARE SOMETIMES JUST NOT ERASABLE... SO GOODBYE MY BLOG.. I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN. I MIGHT JUST POST HERE AGAIN...

THE LAST OF ME -=[JACKY]=-